A review of my own Fantasy Football team

An unnecessary, unneeded but inspiring analysis of “Matthew’s Angels”

Fantasy Football is the Dungeons & Dragons of the sports world. Both are role-playing games where its players inhabit fictional roles with the ultimate goal of achieving an intangible prize. 

In Dungeons & Dragons, you may be transported into the world of Drazbantia. You can become the strongest mage in all of the seven sectors. Your magic may be strong enough to defeat the evil one-legged troll, Hyzra. 

In Fantasy Football, you’re a guy named Bill who’s pretending to own a football team. While the imagination may be lost in Fantasy Football, the passion and dedication is not.

 I care more about my fake team than half the problems in my real life. When one of, “my guys,” goes down with an injury, I take a knee out of solidarity in my living room. 

When one of the players on my team has an off the field issue, I leave him on the bench the following week to show the rest of the team who’s in charge. I take pride in being the head coach, general manager and owner of a nonexistent football team. 

In fact, I get enough fulfillment from Fantasy Football to write an entire article specifically about my own imaginary team. Ladies and Gentleman, may I introduce you to “Matthew’s Angels.” 

At the most important position in real life, but somehow not in Fantasy Football, is my Quarterback, Russell Wilson. So far this season, Wilson is on track for a career year. In four games, Wilson already threw for 300 yards twice. He’s had at least two touchdowns in three of the four games. 

These are staggering numbers, and in the context of Fantasy Football, they’re not so bad either. According to ESPN, Wilson is the 3rd best scoring Quarterback in the league. That means by averaging 24.1 points each week, he secured himself a spot on the podium. 

Bronze isn’t that bad. He’s a bright spot on my roster, and he has the weapons around him to stabilize weekly massive production. I have a lot of faith in him and the Seahawks’ offense. You’ll see why in a moment. 

Running Back is the real key to winning fictional football games with convoluted scoring methods. In Points Per Reception leagues, or PPR, you get the most points for catching the football. 

Running Backs have the advantage of not only getting points from running the football, but also from any catches they have during the game. If the top Running Back you drafted gets injured or doesn’t produce, you might as well look into Fantasy Hockey. 

Don’t even get me started on Fantasy Hockey. Anyways, I had the last pick in my Fantasy Draft, and when I was on the clock, I went for it. I took Todd Gurley. 

We all saw his performance, or should I say lack of performance, in the Super Bowl. He was hurt, and he probably still is. The beginning of this season started slow, as the Rams relied more on Malcolm Brown in the red zone. This, of course, had me diagnosing myself with heart conditions I likely didn’t have. 

Luckily, things have taken a turn for the better. Gurley had 26 points against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. According to ESPN, he’s the 14th best Running Back in the league. Things obviously could be better, but the Rams have slowly started to integrate him more on the goal line. When he’s healthy, he’s an MVP. When he’s hurt, I cry into my pillow. 

Because Fantasy Football is weird and you start two Running Backs, I also have Chris Carson. Another member of the high powered Seattle offense. 

When you think of Chris Carson, you think about the fumbles. It’s almost like a, “where were you when he fumbled for the umpteenth time,” kind of situation. I don’t know why I’m complaining. By ESPN’s measurements, he’s the 15th ranked Running Back. 

That’s one spot behind Todd Gurley. Like Gurley, Carson started slow. Seattle was going through their, “Rashaad Penny,” phase. In a horrible way of making light of a terrible situation, Penny went down injured, so now Carson has resumed his role as Seattle’s lead back. I have faith in Chris Carson. All he has to do is hold the football. It is a weird shape, I’ll give him that. 

Like Running Back, Wide Receiver holds two spots in the starting lineup. After I took Todd Gurley in the first round, I followed that up with Odell Beckham Jr. Not soon after, I grabbed Tyler Lockett to complete the trinity of Seattle’s offense. As far as Beckham goes, I had mixed feelings on the pick. 

I was ecstatic to pick up a generational talent, but as a Redskins fan, I’ve been known to hold a grudge. Luckily, he’s in Cleveland now. Baker Mayfield to Odell Beckham sounds like a play you’d hear for the next few seasons. Other than a huge Monday night game against the New York Jets, I have to say, I’ve been disappointed. 

Like other people, I fell into the Cleveland trap. Sure, they’ve barely won any games in the last three years and they just got a new coach, but they’ll probably make the playoffs, right? Actually, I still think they will. The point is, Beckham has been underutilized, but that’s because he’s on a new team with a new coach. I’m not too worried. I’ve got my, “Seattle boys,” to fall back on. 

Speaking of which, Tyler Lockett is pretty good, huh? He leads the team in targets, and that is exactly what you want to hear in a PPR league. The only thing that I have reservations on is Seattle’s love for running the ball. 

I know I talked about Russell Wilson’s huge days throwing the football, but they still find a way for their run plays to outpace their passes. Fortunately, Lockett is Wilson’s favorite target. At this point, if you put on a Seahawks uniform, you’ll probably make me do a double-take when I’m scrolling through the available players. 

 I won’t bore you with any more of my ramblings on convincing myself I have a shot at the championship this year. I’ve purposefully avoided directly stating my team’s record, but I guess you should know this whole article’s been about a team that’s 2-2. 

Not bad. Not great. Some would say exactly average. I’ve got two great Tight Ends in George Kittle and Will Dissly (you guessed it, he’s a Seahawk). I change what defense I start every week. The biggest deciding factor is whether they’re playing the Miami Dolphins or not. And I’ve got New Orleans’ Wil Lutz as my kicker. Exciting, I know. 

With all of that being said, you may be thinking, “what’s the point? Isn’t Fantasy Football as big of a waste of time as Dungeons & Dragons (remember when I talked about that)?” You may ask yourself, “Is he really that self absorbed and bored to write all this about a Fantasy Football team?” I don’t know what to tell you other than yes. The point is, you should always have hope. The season is long. Other people will give up or get tired of changing their lineups every week. 

This is where your window of opportunity lies. So what if you made the worst possible decisions on draft night? Someone will give up, and that’s when it’s your time to shine.

~Matthew Morhiser, Staff Writer~


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