Dear my insect roommates…

Okay look, we both live in the same dorm, we both drink the same water and we both like the same tv shows (yes, I see you under the couches as I binge-watch “Breaking Bad” for the fourth time).  If we are going to continue this unfortunate living arrangement then I have a few complaints I want to make clear. 

First, all you ever do is just mooch and mooch and mooch. You eat all my food. I get that I am messy and that’s fine, but you can’t just assume that because I dropped a piece of pizza on the ground for two seconds I don’t want it. You can’t just jump on it. 

Second, you have no personal boundaries. The other day I was about to get in the shower when I pull back the curtain and see you and your friends all hanging out by the drain. I enjoy my showers alone, so please stop that. 

Lastly, I pay for your housing. Come on, if you’re going to end up living under my desks and inside my walls you could at least try to pay for some of my tuition. I shouldn’t be the one that does all the heavy lifting around here.

Please, for the love of god, either move out or start paying up, because I will NOT have my student loans skyrocket just, so you can be my lazy, good-for-nothing tenant.  

With Distaste, 

Your Landlord

P.S. I don’t enjoy your conga lines across my floors, that’s just weird and cultish. 


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